Putrefaction.

People never discuss the methods of suicide, well hardly. Be it hanging, jumping, shooting, intoxication, slitting or such as, but people hardly ever hear the term autoerotic asphyxia.

When Ivan was 16, he was surfing the internet for extreme pornography sites, he developed a paraphilic mind where he would imagine girls and guys of every form you could ever imagine defaecate and urinate on him while sticking carrots up his rectum. He would then also imagine animals licking vigorously at his scrotum while he masturbated.

Ivan grew deeper and deeper into his autoeroticism and avoided the rest of the world violently, his addiction made him skip meals and life became depressing.

Masturbation for him was only another way out. His genitals were his life.

People find countless ways to get it off good, some have dire consequences. Such like a vacuum cleaner company developed its design in the 50's by adding a rotating razor blade on the inside of their pipes to shred up all the things that may clog up the system. This resulted in many men having to be rushed to the hospital because their penises were either severed, partially severed, stuck or partially severed and stuck.

The deeper the addiction grew, the more experimental he became, the more misanthropic he was.

To cut the long story short (I'm too lazy to write), Ivan masturbated, and about 10 seconds before he ejaculated, he cut the oxygen to his brain to get a better feeling. This is called autoerotic asphyxia.

He suffocated to death, more or less masturbated to death. Suicide through masturbation... bet you didn't know it was possible to huh?

Prosthetic Phallus

You know what scares me?

-- Realisation, wisdom, knowledge and philosophy.

This I quote from Palahniuk: The future we have tomorrow is different from the future we had yesterday.

I was at the library, as usual, with a pile of books on the table; revision notes(which I try not to pretend to touch), books from the psychology section, philosophy section, literature, arachnids, blah blah and more blah.

I read a lot, but as you know, it's not much you really absorb. I like real things, logical things, things that make me think, things that have nothing to do with idle thoughts.

Which comes to another depressing quote from Palahniuk: The unreal is more powerful than the real. Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because it's only intangibles, ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die.

You see what I mean? It's all too demoralising(figuratively);ignominious.

But he's right. Everything real is truly inferior to fantasy, imagination and religion; all these are truly indestructible.

You see how scary all these are? - You can never have too much of a good thing, I'm afraid.

You see, I'm obsessed because, and I again quote from Palahniuk,"Here in your mind you have complete privacy. Here there's no difference between what is and what could be."

And another: It's pathetic how we can't live with the things we can't understand. How we need everything labeled and explained and deconstructed.

And another:We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are...Or we can decide for ourselves.

You see, words are an addiction, just as drugs are an addiction, just as sex is an addiction; anything that can help us evade the idea of post-misery, unhappiness, sadness, anger, fear, worry, despair, and depression; well, let's just say addiction is medicine to any mental suffering.

I'm addicted to smoking, but hey, a psychologist once said that a cigarette is just a cigarette.

Wanna know what he means?

-- A cigarette can unconsciously evoke the requiem of the happiest moments of babyhood: breastfeeding. This is what I would call oral fixation. Just the action of the cigarette bud touching your lips creates a nostalgia within the system that can bring happiness to one. All others are, well, may just be an illusion.

I may be too young to smoke, but hey, you know, I don't think we're too young for anything but 3 things: knowledge, wisdom and philosophy.

-- Only few people in the world are ready for it; Nietzsche, the Greeks, the fundamentalists of beliefs such as Nihilism, Existentialism and Atheism.

So you see what I mean? we're too young, too foolish for all of that, people say we learn from our mistakes; so you know what I say?

--The greater the mistake, the greater the lesson; we have to make the biggest mistake ever to make the most of our life.

With that being said, I'll leave you with one last quote from Palahniuk: We live and die and anything else is just delusion.

Kvnt.