Lymphatic Catatonia

You know, I really cannot understand why you want to do that to yourself, because there’s no need to. Sure I haven’t been paying attention you much lately because something hit me right across the face; the sad case of common realism.

You know I sit out my afternoons just staring to total nothingness and meaninglessness until I’ve drowned all the euphoria and misery that’s left in me. Maybe that’s why you claim you want to end up in hospital, go ahead, like I said, that’s not going to change anything.

I’m moving out of Singapore, and it’s final. This, I can’t stop.

Out of all honesty, I’m sorry I’ve been short-tempered as of late, you may not have noticed, I’ve run into the occasional dilemmas that any Tom, Dick, and Harry would collate.

You ask me, why does Joy Molina seem more significant to me than you, I’ll tell you why, because you’ve become pessimistic; the glass is half empty.

Maybe I had too great an expectation of you to digest the movies, for some sickening reason, I left out individualism, maybe because I felt we had so much in common, we were merely just a semi-detached ego-agenda.

You know me, I’m a pseudo-realistic person, I find comfort in all levels of reality and none. Like a child wandering through the isles of every story told.

You take it so hard on yourself, you’ve become very demanding, demanding so much of my attention. If you think getting yourself hurt will make the ones around you care more, think again, the universe is perplexed, it’s simply complicated, so complicated in fact, our ancestors used the idea of god to answer every question.

If every instant lay at the hand of god, then every wrong would be made right with a simple apology, then again, the universe is complicated. If everything were so simple, then where would adventure and verbosity (and such) lie?

If everything were so simple, then why live?

If everything were so simple, everything would be what I’d like to call paperversity the combination of the words paper and universe: where everything is one-dimensional and equal and leveled to a point of pure boredom.

You know, sometimes I wonder if you ever think about how you ended up with a guy like me, a person who never seems to care about anything, sometimes I feel that that’s the only thing about me you have to hate and appreciate.

I love you, something happened instead of the occasional ‘nothing’. And if you don’t see that, well, I guess we’re all individual, collectively.

Face it, I’m your roller coaster ride, not your usual lumbering forage through just single-sided emotions. I feel that a perfect relationship is a bullshit one, a what I’d like to call a relationshit.

As I was saying, if you want to end up in hospital, then it would just make me feel sad for you, not because you are injured (that can be cured over time) but sad because you have to drive yourself for no reason, then again, that would be something I’d really look up to, I bet you were hoping for that.

Yunwei, I treat you as a lover, a friend and an enemy.

Why?

I don’t know yet.

someone once told me, that the lyrics of this song suited me well:

Kris Kristofferson - He's A Pilgrim

See him wasted on the sidewalk in his jacket and his jeans
Wearing yesterdays misfortune like a smile
Once he had a future full of money, love and dreams
Which he'd spend like they were going out of style

And he keeps right on a changin' for the better or the worse
Searchin' for a shrine he has never found
Never known' if believin' is a blessin' or a curse
Or if the going up was worth the comin' down

(Chorus)
He's a poet, he's a picker, he's a prophet, he's a pusher
He's a pilgrim and a preacher and a problem when he's stoned
He's a walking contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction
Taking every wrong direction on his lonely way back home

He has tasted good and evil, in your bedrooms and your bars
And he's traded-in tomorrow for today
Running from his devils Lord, reachin' for the stars
Loosin' all his love along the way

But if this world keeps right on turnin' for the better or the worse
And all he ever gets is older and around
From the rockin' of the cradle to the rollin' of the hearse
The goin' up was worth the comin' down

(chorus)
He's a poet, he's a picker, he's a prophet, he's a pusher
He a pilgrim and a preacher and a problem when he's stoned
He's a walking contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction
Taking every wrong direction on his lonely way back home
There's been a lot of wrong directions on that lonely way back home.

__________________________________________________________

Strange thing, I think it’s relative to me as well, heh.

You need time to sort things out and time to relax, go have fun, do what it means to have fun, people say live for the moment, I say, do as they say, it’s quite a practice no one has come about to do quite yet, well not many, to say the least.

Heath Ledger’s role as The Joker from the 2008 movie The Dark Knight is commercially famous for the line: Why so serious?

I’d rather say, why so delirious?  Or curious? Or furious? Or precarious? Or mysterious?

But I guess all we need now is a break (not a break-up), maybe we moved too fast, like every fast song, there has to be a little breakdown (not the chuggy hardcore type) but just a formal breakdown to pace things. And yeah, take all of this as friction, cause nothing physical is possible without it.

I heart you.