Prosthetic Phallus

You know what scares me?

-- Realisation, wisdom, knowledge and philosophy.

This I quote from Palahniuk: The future we have tomorrow is different from the future we had yesterday.

I was at the library, as usual, with a pile of books on the table; revision notes(which I try not to pretend to touch), books from the psychology section, philosophy section, literature, arachnids, blah blah and more blah.

I read a lot, but as you know, it's not much you really absorb. I like real things, logical things, things that make me think, things that have nothing to do with idle thoughts.

Which comes to another depressing quote from Palahniuk: The unreal is more powerful than the real. Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because it's only intangibles, ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die.

You see what I mean? It's all too demoralising(figuratively);ignominious.

But he's right. Everything real is truly inferior to fantasy, imagination and religion; all these are truly indestructible.

You see how scary all these are? - You can never have too much of a good thing, I'm afraid.

You see, I'm obsessed because, and I again quote from Palahniuk,"Here in your mind you have complete privacy. Here there's no difference between what is and what could be."

And another: It's pathetic how we can't live with the things we can't understand. How we need everything labeled and explained and deconstructed.

And another:We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are...Or we can decide for ourselves.

You see, words are an addiction, just as drugs are an addiction, just as sex is an addiction; anything that can help us evade the idea of post-misery, unhappiness, sadness, anger, fear, worry, despair, and depression; well, let's just say addiction is medicine to any mental suffering.

I'm addicted to smoking, but hey, a psychologist once said that a cigarette is just a cigarette.

Wanna know what he means?

-- A cigarette can unconsciously evoke the requiem of the happiest moments of babyhood: breastfeeding. This is what I would call oral fixation. Just the action of the cigarette bud touching your lips creates a nostalgia within the system that can bring happiness to one. All others are, well, may just be an illusion.

I may be too young to smoke, but hey, you know, I don't think we're too young for anything but 3 things: knowledge, wisdom and philosophy.

-- Only few people in the world are ready for it; Nietzsche, the Greeks, the fundamentalists of beliefs such as Nihilism, Existentialism and Atheism.

So you see what I mean? we're too young, too foolish for all of that, people say we learn from our mistakes; so you know what I say?

--The greater the mistake, the greater the lesson; we have to make the biggest mistake ever to make the most of our life.

With that being said, I'll leave you with one last quote from Palahniuk: We live and die and anything else is just delusion.

Kvnt.

So was that the first time you fucked a dead girl?

Check this out folks.... I found a fucking wheelchair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok so I'm replacing it with the chair that cut me up that night.

I also bought Joy some guppies; she'll take them once she shifts to her new place.

So anyway, I was discussing to myself on my new wheelchair that if I were to create a job for myself, I'd be a vocabularian! A person who comes up with words, just to get paid to make shit up. Then create words like misogynistisim;one who dwells in the ideal of misogyny. Or abominative; equal to the meaning of destructive.

But fuck all that, I'm not in a very good mood now; my parents fucked me up since last night and oh the beauty! I never did anything wrong this time, really. I was forced to suck up to them this entire saturday; apologies friends. But yeah, I'm not gonna express all my angst here. It'll just waste your time and my effort.

So I'm going to improvise on a story, remember that other time I wrote about voyeurism? This is another friday for that guy...
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I'm standing here in front of this window again, hand stuffed crassly down my pants, waiting for my show to start.

There, my spartan and his masochistic princess frolic on the satin linen, petting and groping each sensitive spot.

Flabbergasted you say I am?-- Very.

But it's alright to forget how to breathe once in a while like this, it chokes the insanity exploding in the multitudes within your knotted brain.

My penis is like an anxious horse, waiting to charge into the horizons of sexual immorality.

But fuck that! I believe nothing in this world should ever be immoral. Honestly, think about it, we weren't evolved into a civilised world. All this bullshit of technology, industrialization, urbanization, culture and what have you. All this 'morality', 'sanity'; all these are just vortexes in which we create to displace the idea of fear, work; we just want to make this life seem safer, seem easier, seem more fluid, more 'professional'.

I tell you, if not for the Brits, we would have still been chopping heads in jungles, if not for scientists, our only source of entertainment would be 2 baboons slapping their red asses at our faces, if not for the civilization, this entire planet, would be perfectly insane.

In which I would prefer...but then again, I wouldn't be standing here, you wouldn't know what a game console is, and we would definitely be plucking ticks out of each others' hair.

Someone once said, "Culture is to make a drinking bowl out of your enemy's skull, civilization is to go to prison for doing that."

The writings of Nietzsche inspire me in me in multiple ways, but I'm not here to give you a review on 'Beyond Good and Evil' or debate the philosophy in 'The Antichrist'. I'm here to tell you all what I'm jacking off to.

As you already know, the last time I was here, the 'Spartan' tried to become a solo '15-man-bukkake-mob'. Today is rather different.

"It's my turn to choose, darling," I heard him say as he pulled his lips from her nipples, "the last time you took my cum, this time, I'll shit, pee and spit on you altogether..."

"That's fucking absurd, Andre! Do you think I'm a fucking toilet?! But it does sound fun..."

People, read no farther, this is going to turn out worse than '2 Girls 1 Cup'.

But if you've watched Japanese kinky videos, they go far worse than your imagination.

She began licking at his asshole as he forced out a wet discharge of brown, vile substance...

*writer's note: As I'm writing this, I'm imagining your wicked reactions and enacting them out as I go on, please that this 'recess' to grab a bucket, my imagination does stretch quite a bit...*

He moaned in relieved ecstasy, then grunting again as he squeezed his guts for a second discharge, this one going all over her face, browning her beauty.

He did this multiple times before urinating all over the lavish carpet.

He turned around looking at his work of art, then he spat on her.

Slut.

Whore.

Bitch.

Beautiful.

He began licking her clitoris, banging on her vandalized body, licking off the shit on her. He began to vomit inside her.

I turned away, I'm too disgusted for this, this is too immoral to even be savage.

I'll come back another friday.